Legendary Aircraft Tech Log Entries
P = Pilot's report post flight. E = Engineer's counter entry
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
E: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
E: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
E: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
E: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
E: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
E: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
E: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
E: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
E: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
E: Suspect you're right.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
E: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
E: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
E: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
E: Took hammer away from midget
P: Number 3 engine missing.
E: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
These historical humorous entries and counter entries have made pilots chuckle for years. In BA, our engineers made us laugh audibly with their own addition to this list – it’s in the book!
Generally, aviation is a world where ambiguity has been eradicated. Yet, outside of our fabulously disciplined profession, we, the people of the world, continue incorrectly to convey what we mean. Perhaps this is most clearly captured by the now famous collection of tenants’ letters to various councils.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet, and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces.
Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife.
…and he’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house, and I just can’t take any more.
I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times but still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can’t get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown around the front, and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
Oh dear, perhaps we just need a better standard of ‘edumacation’. 😂